New blog

Hello to my peeps. I am discontinuing this blog, but do not fear...I have started a new one :-) www.thecanvasstory.com

see you there!!

I had a hard time sleeping last night. Our First Wednesday service played over and over in my mind. It's an overwhelming reality to know that before the sun rises, hundreds will die for the cause of Christ.

The truth can be paralyzing sometimes, can't it.

If you are anything like me, the stories of martyrs can bring frustration..helplessness.

I feel worthless.

Here is what God has whispered to my heart today...

"Do I not require the same sacrifice from all who are Mine? Do I ask one man for everything and another for nothing? To love Me is to give Me everything. It is not in your moment of death that you give it all...it is in the moments of life that you choose to lay everything down. Offer yourself as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Me."

Life is so full of change. Two weeks ago all I could think about was women's ministry. This week I have been completely consumed with reaching 6th graders. With so much change taking place in my life's strategy, I am finding it vitally important to reinforce my life's vision.

I, Heather Marshall, exist for the sole purpose of making Jesus famous.

Someone probably just read that sentence and found it very lacking...that's ok...it may not be your life's vision.

But it's what everything comes down to for me. And although my strategies often change...from youth ministry, to women's ministry, missions, the homeless, the broken, the rich, the poor...regardless of where life takes me, I have my constant. Making Jesus famous is what keeps me together. Without clear vision, the loss of a ministry is devastating. Without clear vision, life changes can leave us lost and confused. But vision brings life...it keeps us looking for what's next. It keeps us ready for what's coming. You wanna get me pumped?...ask me about my strategy. You wanna bring me to tears?...ask me about my vision.

One of my favorite quotes is from two Moravian boys who sold themselves into slavery to reach the lost. "May the lamb who was slain receive just reward for His suffering." There goal was to see Christ get what He deserves. Initially they did that through a 24 hr prayer service. They then moved to outreach. Finally, they left behind everything, jumped on a slave ship and gave their lives to accomplish their vision. Through many changes in strategy, the vision remained.

"Without vision, the people perish."

What is your vision? What goal do you press on toward? When life brings change...what is your constant?

It's 5:05 and I can't sleep. My four year old asked me a question recently that I can't seem to get off my mind, "Mom, what is holy?" My quick reply, "Well, God is holy." (as if an answer like that would fly with a child...please). "Yes, but mom, what IS holy?"

Not gonna lie...I blanked. The only thing going through my mind was, "holy...is not me." I posted "what do I know about holy" to fb just to see what others had to say about the issue. Seems to me that all any of us really know about holy is that it isn't us.

SOOO...where do all wise people turn when they need a quick answer?...yep, I googled it.

Holiness - "A state of being sacred"

Sacredness - "Something that is venerable" (say what?)

Venerable - "impressive - due to age, character, wisdom or value."

Ok, so maybe google wasn't the best place to start. In Exodus 3:4-6 Moses takes off his shoes, because he is standing on holy ground. Does anyone else find it frustrating that dirt can be holy, yet we find it so difficult?

When the temple was being built, God instructed the room entered to be known as the holy of holies. The deepest room in the temple was the Most Holy Place....the place where God was. So is holiness all about proximity? God is holy...impressive, His presence demands change. The closer we get to God the more holy we become...the more our lives demand change. We become impressive in the sense that just as being in the presence of God changes us, being in our presence influences others. I envision this like getting so close to God that we become stained by him.

Ok, my new definition of holy- Being so close to God that I become stained by Him. I think I will go add that to Wikipedia now :-) Thanks for entertaining my middle of the night ramblings.

Mark 4

Spent some time thinking about this story...

Jesus asks His disciples to go out in a boat to get away from the crowds. The storm comes, the disciples freak out, Jesus fixes everything. But what I've been thinking about is all the people in all the other boats. The bible specifically says that other boats went out as well.

The disciples see, first hand, the power of God to change their circumstance. But what about everyone else that is going through the same storm. Sure, they may see the waves calm down and the wind die down, but they don't see that all of nature has just submitted to the voice of its Creator.

They don't realize the miracle they are experiencing because Jesus is not in their boat, He's in ours.

The only way they will know is if we tell them.

There is power in the word of our testimony, because as we express what God has been in our life, we allow others to recognize Him in their own.

Faith like a child

A few days ago, the Lord started speaking to me about having faith like a child. It is amazing what we can learn from our kids.
A conversation with Anjali yesterday went like this...

Anjali: Why are you getting that sweatshirt?
Me: Because I don't want to be cold.
Anjali: I don't want to be cold either. God, would you please help me to find my sweatshirt?

Anjali then walked into her room, opened her closet, and said, "I found it!!! thank you, God!!"

About five minutes later...

Anjali: mom, will you zip up my sweatshirt?
Me: sure
Anjali: thanks, God.
Me: I'm not God, silly. I'm mommy.
Anjali: No, I was thanking God for helping you zip my sweatshirt up.

Anjali knows something I sometimes forget...All good things come from God....all of them.

Don't be easily offended

I always thought that was pretty good advice until one day my dad sat me down to talk about marriage. He said to me, "Heather, a lot of people are going to tell you to not be easily offended, but the reality is there is never a good reason to get offended at all. There is nothing that anyone can ever do or say to you that is as bad as what you did to Christ, and Christ did not get offended...He laid His life down for you."

Just something to think about.

Share it!

Philemon 1:6
"I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ."

I have often heard it said that we are to "know God and make Him known." I think this scripture suggests that we know God through making Him known.

Have you ever experienced this?

Whenever I get together with a certain girlfriend of mine, we always talk about what God is doing in our lives. As we ping-pong our thoughts, I always feel a change in my spirit. It's an awakening...a realization that God is who He says He is, and He does what He says He will do.

The bible says that there is power in the word of our testimony. This power is not just for the sake of the one listening...it's for you too! It brings life, it brings an awakening, and it brings an understanding of every good thing we have in Christ.

Try it. Share your faith...tell someone what God has done for you, and see what happens!

Fear

I think I have managed to make every mass mailing list known to man. Here is a rundown of my inbox... "UN looking to create One world government," conspiracy theory, impending global disaster, and, once again, Obama has plans to destroy the universe, etc, etc.

My greatest frustration in receiving all of these fwds is that all of them come from other Christians. I guess my question is this, where does our hope rest?

I heard someone speak of fear vs. faith not too long ago and they said something like this...

"Faith is believing that God is big enough to do the things that He says He will do, and putting our trust in Him."

"Fear is believing that satan is big enough to do the things that he says he will do, and putting our trust in him."

In 2Kings 6:15-17 the servant of Elisha wakes up to find that the entire city is surrounded by enemy chariots. He is immediately filled with fear. Then Elisha says this prayer, "O Lord, open his eyes so he may see." Then the servant looks out again and sees the hills full of horses and chariots of fire from the Lord.

Elisha's servant was only focused on the problem until God opened his eyes and gave him hope.

I realize that a one world government is coming, the Antichrist is coming, natural disasters are coming, oppression, cancer, death and the end of the world are all coming. But God says, "I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

So basically, this is my subtle way of saying, please remove me from your mailing list. Thanks.

Psalm 24:3
Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God his Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek Him, who seek Your face, O God of Jacob.

Are there idols in my heart keeping me from standing in the holy place before God?

Lord, forgive me from my sins. Create in me a clean heart. If there are still idols in my life, please reveal them to me.

Eyes on the Lord

Psalm 25:15
My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

I like this verse. I try to picture myself literally caught in a snare. Isn't it most natural to get focused on the thing you are trapped in. I know if I were in a snare, my eyes would be on the snare trying to figure out how the heck I was gonna get out of it. God wants our eyes on Him, even in the midst of our struggles. We can't figure out life without God.

Lord, You are faithful. You never leave me even in my times of trouble. Help me to see You there with me and help me to keep my eyes on You instead of on my problem.

the problem and the Solution

Gen 15:1-2a
After this, the word of the Lord Came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." But Abram said, "O Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless..."

This verse punch me in the face this morning. Not even a full-caffeine, pumpkin spiced, organic chai latte (mmmmm) could prepare me for that!

Did the man just ask God, "what can you give me?"

I'm offended. I'm offended for two reasons:

Firstly, I'm offended that Abram has the audacity to ask the Creator of everything, the Giver of all good things, the Father of life, Big Man himself, "what can you give me?" God just gave Abram a vision!!! God is trying to tell Abram that He is the "I am", and all Abram can think about is what he feels he is missing.

Secondly, I'm offended that this whole thing doesn't seem to bother God one little bit!!!! It's like God expects it. God takes Abram outside and says, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars - if indeed you can count them."

If I was a bible author I would have written this story like this:
God: I AM
Abram: no you're not
God: yes I AM
Abram: no you're not
God: yes I AM
Abram: hmm...ok, maybe you are.

I am imagining I read this today, because there is most likely a situation in my life that looks remarkably similar to this one. Am I focused on my problem, or resting expectantly in the arms of my Solution.

Lord, I want to trust You. I want to believe You are who You say You are. Please build my faith. Tear down my pride that gets between Us. Help me to see You as all I need. I don't want to live in what's missing...I want to know the abundance of trusting You. Lord, please speak to me about my life.

I am your portion. Do not look to be satisfied in other things. I will fill you up. When you are thirsty, let Me fill you with living water. When you are tired, I will be your strength. In your problems, be still and know that I am God.

Thank you, Jesus. I will choose to walk today with my eyes on You.

Cast the net.

Good morning, Lord. I'm tired today. I'm so grateful for your voice that draws me in. Awaken my spirit.

Luke 5:5

But Simon answered and said to Him, "Master, we have toiled all night and caught nothing; nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net."

My mind is caught up in my situation, and I don't know if I totally trust the work You are doing. I don't understand.

Do not rely on your own understanding. I have said, "Come, let us reason together." My ways are higher than yours. Submit to my Word. Repent of Your sins and follow Me.

Lord, show me the sin in my heart.

Your sin is pride. You trust yourself. All good comes from Me. Nothing has value unless I give it. I created you and give you breath. I am the wonderful counselor. I can see what you can't even dream of. I know what you cannot learn. I am what I say I am.

Lord, forgive me for my pride. Teach me to walk in humility and trust Your work. Change my heart, that in my doubt, I would still cast the net out one more time. I love You. Praise You, Jesus, for Your mighty greatness and excellent mercy.

A Word for my children

Hallelujah, Jesus. Thank You for waking me up today. Thank You for new mercy each morning. Thank You for meeting me here. Who am I that You are mindful of me? Help me to overcome my temptation today. Give me strength to serve You. Be in my home. Protect my children. Help me to show them Your love. Lord, please show me how You see my children.

Anjali's heart is tender. She already understands how to love Me. She is a servant, so praise her in her service. She desires to show herself worthy. Do not break her spirit with discipline...she does not require harsh punishment. Tell her about Me. Do not be deceived; she is not too young to begin to know My heart. I long for her to come to me.

I know Kaitlyn is difficult for you. I have made her strong. She will serve me with intensity and I will call her into deep communion. Allow her to make decisions, but teach her discipline. Be consistent. Her spirit is loyal, so she will be hurt easily. Hold her more often. Give her security.

Curtis is a strong warrior. His weapon is joy and he strikes fear to the enemy. Guard his heart and mind. He will watch you, and your life will speak deeply to his spirit. Be quick to apologize. Live for me. He will follow your lead and he will be a great leader.

Lord, give me grace as I train my children. Restore unto me the joy of my salvation. Help me not to grow tired. I love you and I want my home to be a reflection of Your glory. Show me things you would have me change. Help me to choose discipline.

Believe

Isaiah 55:10,11
As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Lord, give me faith to believe You for what You say. I want to know Your will and be able to see it return to You prosperous. Lord what would you like to speak to me?

My Word is faithful. You can count on what I say. I know You don't understand, but I cannot be defeated. I cannot be thrown off. I have a purpose when I act, and I accomplish what I decide is good. Do not fear your enemy, but trust my promises. I will provide for you and I order your steps. Listen to me and believe me for what I am doing. I am doing a new thing. Trust Me.

Walk with Me

My mind wants to figure You out. Why do You give so much and let us squander? Why do You take away? Why does my heart long for You even as we sit together? How do I know You better? How do I learn to love you? Why do I feel like I can't catch You, even when I know You are not running from me. Teach me your truth, Lord. Teach my heart to believe You for what You say is truth. Help my unbelief. Strip me of my pride that calls me worthy. I want to come before You transparent. Expose my sin and cover me again.

This world is your wilderness. Walk with Me and let Me use it to teach you. Humble yourself before me. Don't grow weary in your questions. I am the answer. Believe Me. Believe in Me. I designed you to find your ability in Me. I created your heart to long for Me. I am your God. I have set you apart and I have saved you for myself. We will walk as lovers. We will test this world together and you will find Me faithful. What I say I will do, I will do. What I say will be, will be. I am God. I do not live in time. I do not fail. I do not abandon. You do not have to understand Me to believe. You were made in my image, but your heart is wicked. Your only pure emotion on your own is your desire for me. I placed that in you. I have made a longing in your heart and I am here to fulfill you. Breathe deep My love for you.

Surrender

John 7:37-39
On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." by this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified.

Revelation 22:1,2
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.

Psalm 1:2,3
But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

John 15:4-8
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Lord, You are my life source. I am thirsty in this dry land. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for not giving up on me...for standing between me and death and not letting me follow my wicked heart. Lord release Your Spirit to flow in my life. I need living water. Without you I am nothing. I have desired to bring fame to myself and I have neglected your calling for my life, yet You have spoken that my righteousness is as filthy rags. Lord search me, know my inner thoughts and the sin that finds refuge in my mind. Expose the garbage that I've called holy. Give me a new heart and a new mind and new eyes to see who You are. Lord, I'm tired of religion. I want to know You. Show me Your heart. Speak to me Your truth. Give me Your living water, which sustains me. Speak and I will listen. I long to hear Your words and commune with You. I will wait patiently for Your voice.

You have seen My heart and know My ways. You have heard Me calling your name. Now, let go of those things that keep your heart captive. Turn to Me and love what I love. Be refreshed in My river. Bathe and be cleansed. Drink and be satisfied. I've longed for you to know Me. I am Jesus, your Lord. I have walked your path and carried your burdens. I have covered you before My Father and called you beloved. I have collected your tears and I have not forgotten your pain. I have walked through your wilderness and stood by your side. I am all-powerful, I am all-knowing, I do not need your wisdom or your understanding. Surrender to My will and find rest in Me. You seek Me, but feel I have hidden from you. You knock, but doubt that I will answer. I am the Alpha and Omega. Nothing is greater than I. Do not look to the right or the left, but push forward. Allow Me to lead you. Allow Me to do a work in you. Quiet yourself before Me and obey My words. I am here. Drink and be filled to overflowing.

journal

Lord, thank You for always showing up. I long to know You and know Your will for my life.

Seek Me, and you will find Me. I have never left. I sit and wait for you to come. It is My will to meet with you. I desire to walk with you in the cool of the day. You are my daughter and I long to speak with you. Delight yourself in Me. I am your portion. Drink and be filled.

need some feedback - journal

I went to the park today for my usual run (as of 2 weeks now :-). Normally I meet a girlfriend, but today I was alone. As I ran I focused my heart on Jesus.
I ran past a woman walking a dog. For a quick second, I had a picture in my mind of myself talking to her.
Now here is my question. Is it possible that this spontaneous thought was the Holy Spirit?
I continued running feeling a little stressed that I may have missed an opportunity to share Jesus with someone....so...out came the fleece :-)
"God, if that was you putting that thought in my head, please keep her on my path and allow me to pass her again. I promise this time I will talk to her."
Sure enough, half a mile later, here comes the woman with the dog. I stopped and asked her if we could walk together. She said she couldn't stay long but we talked for a minute...another thought came to my head, "You will see her again." I quickly said, "I try to run here every day," hoping that I could help God along in creating another meeting.
So here is my God-sized question: When I think I hear God say, "You will see her again," can that be God if it doesn't happen? He didn't say you may see her or you should pray you run into her...He said "you WILL."
Another idea hit me. Discipline.
Maybe God orders divine opportunities based on disciplines in our lives. I am running every day, trying to create a discipline in my life. As I create discipline God is able to count on me, "Heather Marshall will be running in the park every morning from 8:40-9:10 and she will be meditating on who I am."
Have you ever tried to meet a friend and just found that they were always late or cancelling last minute, or just never had enough of a plan to be dependable. I wonder if that is how we are in our walks with God when we lack discipline. Maybe God is trying to order our steps, but we keep not showing up.
Back to my question. I would really love to have your opinion, so here it is again. When I think I hear God say, "You will see her again," can that be God if it doesn't happen?
I am leaning toward if it doesn't happen, it wasn't God.

Journal

Lord, how would you have me show more love and respect in my life.

Honor your husband. Give him praise. Tell him often what he means to you. Pray for him.